I DID IT!!

I went motor bike riding weekend just gone, had the time of my life.

I nearly went over jump just didnt have the confidence up yet so i thought ill save it for next time.
I was having an awesome time until my poor buddy shattered his wrist and brike then man bone in his arm in 2 so it was a big drive home from heathcote to casey hospital and then we wait for 4 hours in the hospital to hear his reults.

But all in all it was an awesome weekend and i cant wait to go up again..

3 Weeks till my operation 17th aug hopefully this will be the last time.

Its Back!!

So the cyst has reformed and decided it would like to come back again, this time is it not as bad cant really notice it thank god!!! The doctor thought i would be lucky in the way the because last time it ruptured he thought he got it all out, and left drains in my neck for a week but wasnt enough. So this time we go in again and hope that it doesnt rupture n if it gets really sore or bigger i have to go straight to hopsital n hope the can do something to contain it until my operation but ohh well hopefully this will be the last time.

Im off motor bike riding (dirt bike) next weekend which i cant wait havent really riden a motor bike riding at all but im going to give it a shot it should be awesome fun n i cant wait!! hopefully i dont break any bones on my trip!

take care xoxo

A year on but yet things never change

A year goes bye n yet u still fell the same but you always wish you wouldnt.
Times change people change, yet sometimes you wish you could hit a rewind button

and thing would magically go back because you know you would do you whole year differently

the job offers you turn down the freinds you have fought with the people you have let go
the love ones you have lost and watch slowly slip away the person u thought was right but turned out wrong are all set to challenge us.

I wish sometimes i could go back in time re do some things stuck up for myself more fought for myself more

showed people they hey im no push over so dont even try. I fell i have become someone the just slips under

the radar n i dont want to be that person anymore i wont to stick up for what i wont fight for what i wont

and not let some person push me over.

So look back a year ago n think what was and look now and think what you would like to change and change so next year you can look at yourself and go wow i was really happy and loved everything i became and everything i did.

life is for living not dwelling :)
xoxo

owch

Had my first gym class on saturday i did body pump, u have to do weights squats launges and all this other body stuff to help u get muscles! this morning i have woken up (day after) with the sorest legs ever i couldnt even run at rep bball training which sucked bad! But it just got worse i had mixed 2night and some chick thought it would be fun to elbow me in my right eye i now have a nice bruise and swallen eye! hurts bad!!

I have also been strong on my drinking ban ppl tried 2 get me 2 drink last night at a mates bday n i didnt woo yeah!! so im doin well i dont think ill last till my bday like i would have liked to have done ill prob drink next week at anzac day but now that i know how much it hurts to work off the weight/calories that u put on when u drink it hurts so bad to work them off lol so i would rather just not drink n not put them on! much better way!!!

Never Again!

I dunno what to think anymore im done on many things cant be bothered trying anymore.

So no idea what else to say...

I have also lost my job for those who dont know but i have got a job with an agency starting the minute i get my police check so its going to kill me to go back to work and stop sitting at home having fun and freedom but i supose i need the money starting to run low a bit now which sucks.
But it turns out i am owed more money and get my rudd love soon so ill be back on track in no time at all i hope n e ways.

I also got tickets to anzac day fotty which is going to be awesome (might stop my drinking ban 4 just that day) lol to have the full fotty experince of beer and the good old four and twenty pie.
So better have a couple beers to make the day better.

I found out this year after 20 years of like nearly 21 years that the easter bunnys is not real his is fake. which made me cry nearly. lol
hope every1 had a happy easter.
take care all

Why dont they get NO means NO

Seriously what is with men these days? dont they get it when u say no the first time?
my freind is trying to set me up with a 30 year old yes she is going insane!!! im only 20 (nearly 21) and his 30 how does NO sound! so he got my number off her n msged me n wanted to cook me dinner n i was like no sorry cant he asked me bout 5 time everytime i was like no sorry cant im busy or just cant but yet he still persisited (desprete guy). And then i msged him saying look dude im sorry but i cant im not looking 4 n e thing or n e 1 im happy just way things are atm and not willing to change it then he goes ohh neither am i just looking 4 a freinds with beneifts no u over course tho 4 that umm hello NO! told my freind who is also his freind who had spoken 2 him night before all he was trying 2 do it get me in n hooked so that way i would fall 4 him n go out with him ( what is with some men these day honestly). So today at work i msged him n said im sorry but its never going to happen im sorry but no! n he still hasnt got the msg! AHHH!!!

Brighter topic.... we won basketbal last night by a small 65 points to the top team it gets seriously boring sometime when the other team start passing u the ball cause they have givin up is just sad! and this is how it was last night by the time we were up by 50 the started passing us the ball n gave up. but next season we are going up to A grade we are in C/D grade now so its a big jump but oww well we should be right!
The expect compeshion date for my diploma is august so fingers crossed i stay on track and have it all done by this date! i can only hope n pray i dont loose consentration on it and keep my mind set on the target PAY RISE!!!

Take care all! xx

hmmm

so life has been crazy past few weeks i have good bad knee probs back again and have 2 get orthotics and bak 2 physio 2-3 times a week. my knee is going at 1 00 at my foot to 11 00. so it sucks a tad.
Other than that nothing else is knew i went on a date but im loving "playing the feild" and having the time of my life and i just needed this to happenen 2 show me that.

really dunno what else to say

temptation will not get the better of me this time

So i have kicked off my "09" with a diet and get fit plan.

I have started getting personal training lessons with a mate once a week and the hurts i walk out with saw arms and legs today i held 10kilos in each arm and did 30 sqats which was hard but i did it.
I have also uped my sport every week which now is
basketball tues sunday netball wed marshall arts thurs and personal training mon or fri and the thousand steps every saturday morning with rhiannen.

I have also been eating VEGETABLES yes me the person who calmes she is illergic to them just so i dont have to eat them.
So i hope i stick to it this time i think i will im starting to get arm muscles and slowly losing the belly fat, sometime soon ill be skinny and have muscles!!

fish bowls at taco bills!

These are no good to have a whole one to yourself i look back on msgs and phone calls and photos and cant remember half of them!
But what i do remember is that it was an awesome night and i had the best fun in a long time.

So i have offically killed 3 fish yes 3 no good i have no idea why these fish keep dieing i have done nothing wrong and it makes no sense at all.

i have no idea what else to write bit hung over so when i think of something practical to type here i will come back!

GO THE FISH BOWLS!!

Need a distraction....

So i have been doing homework for nearly like 5 hours straight and my brain is getting fried bad. I have managed to complete like 3 books which is alot cause each book has about 9 assignments with around 3 questions per assessment and they have to be anyy where between 200-800 words per question. So im cactas but need to do atleast another book tonight.

<----- this is a photo of me in daniels scober diving gear this stuff is so heavy i nearly fell backwards it was that heavy beacuse i have to inflate the vest till you are ready to sink but it gets heaps heavy on your shoulders and everything but apparently once your in water its not heavy at all but when you need to walk up the stairs to get into the boat its really heavy.

-----> Is a photo of my holding a pythan yes i held a snake not even i can belive i did i have the biggest fear in the world of snakes but i did it thank god the things head or tail didnt come near me i would have cried. beacuse the man said that is we touched its head it would have made its mouth open causing it to bite me and hurt me and if we touched the tail it could have bitten us as well so either way i was going be skrewed thus explaining why i took the middle nothing could really go wrong there. But it was an awesome experince and i would encourage ppl to do it i have the biggest fear of snakes ever and they are awesome well this one was anyway lol.

What a blast!!

So i never thought i would be one to enjoy camping much im preaty girly when it comes to most things but omg is camping awesome or what.

It all start 20 minutes after we go there and the boys were nice enough to put our tent up and there weather was nice as when the put it up so they didnt bother tying it down they just pegged it down well when we got there around an hour after they put it up the rain came pelting down and our tent nearly blu away but we got it pegged down and it was all sweet after that.
i held a huge pythan the ones that can strangle and kill you i was shitting myself but it was the best fun ever, jumped off the mamosa rocks which are huge, played britsh bulldogs on the massive pillow trampolene with the boys and got a nice tan as well.

But i cant wait to do it all again next year its all booked in so its going to be a blast heaps more happened but im that tired and cant be bothered blogging anymore so when i can be ill put up the rest about my trip and some photos.

2008

Ever had the felling where everything is a blur and what you wont in and out of your life your not quiet sure about?
like everything you ever found secure is not anymore?

I fell like im 20 and you think that most people by now know what they wont out of life what carrer path they are choosing or what they can seem them selves as in 15 years i see a blur. Because this will be my last blog for the year because i leave for camping on saturday my goals for 2009 are:
- To find out what i wont in life
- To settle down and start living like an adult
- Not drink as much
- And grow up

Its like this year my life has done a complete 360 and i find myself back at the start and its time to start going places and doing more for me.

Merry christmas everyone and have a happy and safe new year guys!

Got me thinking....

So it got me thinking the other day, my mate is 20 same as me and has brought half a house and his brother brought the other half at 20, i am 20 myself and think all i have is a new car which i know sounds like alot to some people but to me i could only dream of owning half a house or going in with people to buy a house. That is why i have come to the conclusion of as of new years my resolution is to save enough for a house deposit or come as close as possible.
I am going to start by paying more than double payments on my car i pay double now but a little more wont hurt i will then save a lot for this house i know i wont have much of a going out life but they are doing something that will set them up for life and as mick sat me down and helped me work everything out it is so possible.

So i thought so many of us have these dreams but we are always like omg no way that is way to hard no its way out of reach its not all it takes is for you to yes i am doing it and then to put the plan into motion, you need to set your self a target and at first it will seem so scary thinking omg im saving 20-30 thousand for a house or im saving so much for a new car or to go over seas its not scary, life is about dream and for filling those dreams and living. Trust me if i can save for a house than anything is possible i love my shopping but a house is so much better.


15 days till xmas!! thank god then im going camping yay cant wait.

what if?...

The question that comes to mind of late is what if?

what if people gace things a second chance and for gave people if they did wrong but they could over come this and give things and people a second chance?

what if people were prepaired to jump and werent worried were they landed?

what if you could see into the future and see where you future and your life was heading?

what if you could turn off fellings for people because u know it will only lead to heart break in the end?

so many more questions come to mind when i think of this life is like a rollar coster ride we all have our ups and downs yes the downs can be bad really bad but what if we could get over and forgive or forget? then the ups are so good they are like the happiest days in your life or those moments you dont want to ever end, but as they say all good things have to come to an end why? why must all good things come to and end if they make us fell the happiest and the most incontrol we have ever felt why must all good things come to an end?

why is it also that guys are so complecated never knowing from one day to the next what they wont always using girls as "a piece of meat" where have all the decent guys gone ones looking to settle down and not just to have a "fling"?

Its all done for the minute

so i have had the operation and all that jazz. Thank god its over for know, when i had all the tests done on "the lump" it came back as one type of cyst which is call a branchial cleft cyst which starts forming from embrio stage and its skin particles that done close over and all attach together and cause a cyst, when they opened up my neck they couldnt find the cyst there suprise suprise and they then thought it was an infection in my limft noide in the neck so the drained all that and took all that out in the operation. That all then got sent off to the lab app it was the size of a golf ball and tests where ran on it. When i got the 1st lot of results back it showed that there were no bugs which was a good sign no cancer nothing so i was happy until the second lot of results came back, showing that i had a cyst of the limft noide not an infection so this means that a cyst could re accor on my neck again down the track because when they had me asleep they didnt now it was a cyst so they didnt remove it all, so i could get another one down the track they think it is unlikey because i spent the week in hopsital with 2 drains coming out of my neck, this would have drainied any access cells left behind (we hope) needless to say when my specalist found this out he got a few ppl in trouble because this is why i had the ultra sound done the ct scan and the biopsey done to ensure that when it got to operation time we had no suprises but in my case we had a big one so yes. So its back to hopsital on monday to get the remaining stiches out which shouldnt hurt considering the last 5 didnt that were holding the drains in, so now i have this nice big dressing on my neck keeping the thing covered and to little things keeping the lil holes closed were the drains were.

So im glad its all over and i got out of hopsital which ended up being like a jail it was that boring no tv nothing and a whole lot of old ppl i was the only girl on the ward and all old men snoring their heads off it was an awesome week.

Have a good weekend take care all!!

YAY ITS NEARLY OVER!!!

So today i had my ct scan and biopsey which were both as scary as anything, it become the day from hell. It all started with the Ct scan and the lady saying ok we are going to inject some blue die into you and i was like hang on hold up and i said to dad no i dont want it with my heart and all i dont know what this stupid die stuff is going to do so i didnt have the die but still had to have the stupid scan which was this big donut looking thing going round and round my kneck taking pictures and i just got to lay there while the bed moved back wards and fowards and so on it kinda made you fell like car sick ish no good. Then it was off to have the biopsey which hurt like hell!! i nearly screamed when the neddle went into my kneck and the man kept moving it so he could try get some of the fluid out it felt grows and saw as having a needle moved up and down in your kneck and only getting like half a neddles worth of shit out when they tell you oww yes we will easly get two needles worth out for you and so most of the lump will go down, so not the case at all the lump is still big annouying but not as saw and i can move my kneck a bit more freely now. But what came of my wonderful 2 hours in hospital was that they are like 99% sure it is a cyst which will deffently need to be cut out and they have to put my to sleep to do that, so im totally freaking out 1 because i hate hospitals at 2 i hate being put to sleep there just the worry of not waking up i know it just to have a cyst removed, but i worry. Also i found out i wont be having it removed till it goes down they wont opperate on it while its so big which is a pain cause i just wont it out now.

But the second half of my day was awesome the sarvo went to a mates house and swam in the pool for like 3 hours we just sat and chat and swam a bit and i got brown lol for once in my life i didnt burn!!

I also am going to do and stick to this time no drinking till christmas day!! i know hard to belive me doin it two months its going to be hard but so far i have done it and farley easly, i havent really had the urge to drink or anything so 12 days into my 55 day challange and im doing really well! i have lasted longer than any other time! everyone has beats that i will only last 2 weeks but clearly i will pass that and a month tops but i will push for the 55 days cause who needs to drink to have fun?? if you do then that i reckon is sad. And you shouldnt need a drink to dance either i reckon but hey each to their own.

take care!

moving on up

Went to oaks day yesterday had the best fun ever was awesome just me and hannah went we got sunburt but it was well worth it, we won money lol.

so the lump is starting to become painfull and i just wont it out im getting over it over the lack of sleep because of it, its because every time i sleep on it; it hurts which wakes me up.

so my fish are still alive and kicking 2 weeks on 1 clean of the tank later and they are still going!! woo yeah go me. the last 4 were dead by now so im doing well lol thanks to the help of a few ppl.

so i was ment to be moving out of home soon and moving in with some mates the house is nearly ready but i dont think i will anymore being at home is good im managaing to save some money at shit so me and mate that were going to move in choose not to any more we have decided we are going to save for our own house. sounds like a big thing but these days with the first home buyers grant go up its better to by your own house and put money you would have spent on rent paying someone else morgage off your own.
so we are hoping by round this time next year to have the money saved up and going looking.

whats around the corner!?

So i went to the specalist about "the lump" and it is a cyst!
so i go and have a ct scan done in 2 weeks and then go back and see him on the 17th nov which i will then get booked in for the operation.
I have to stay in over night which is the down side of things but with my heart prob and stuff they just wanna make sure im 100% ok before they let me go home.

Last night went to daveys first time in a long time i been back there was not half bad 4 a fri night music wasnt to bad but it only started to get good at like 2 30ish. We then went across to flannies and catched up with Erin, Cara, Rhiannen, Heather and Jack who apparently i have met before but dont remember the guy at all, but it was good to see the chicks.

So im all pumped 4 oaks day on thursday going down to pakey for the races which should be awesome getting all dressed up and stuff head on down might have a few drinks but not 2 sure yet trying to not drink for the whole of november which prob wont happen easy but hey its worth a try.

wow im 20!

So today i turn 20.
its kinda scary like know when ppl say how old r u i can say im in my twenties! no longer do i say nineTEEN!! like dont have the teen thing n e more! which mean its time 2 grow up and i have been and people have notcied, which is a start and a step in the right direction.

i was thinking to myself i wanna set some goals that i wish to reach before i turn 21!

- i want to have my course finished and be a qualifed child care worker

- I want to settle down or find someone and kinda settle off the party seen for a bit its like the last 4ish months all i have been doing is going out and getting drunk which is fun but 1 a waste of money and 2 kinda getting bit over it

- i would like to be moved out of home and happy

- i want to have some more money saved up so i can go over seas

- And this year i wanna have the best new years ever! im going away with some awesome ppl and it should be the best fun yes they r making fun of me and skye coz were bring our hair striaghtners but oww well were girls!

- and i wont to have most of my car loan payed off!

i hope i can reach all of these things before my 21st and i know i can as long as i set my mind to it and save my but off.

afta all i am speding my bday with the best bunch of ppl going round!

shake it

so its exactly 1 week till my birthday 2 exciting going to be 20 which is the scary part but im excited!
off to laser force this saturday everyone thinks they will beat me mm sure guys!

so today is 2 years that my grandpa died and 7 since my aunty!
its fells just like yesterday i was in year 12 n found out i lost my grandpa and that my aunty died time just goes so quick but the pain doesnt go away as quick.

I also wish i could figure out the male brain its weird n confusing and i just dont get it!!