sorry

Sorry 2 all those people who i hurt and pissed off while i was going thru my down stage, but i have come out of it lfe is worth living not wollowing on the past on what was, thats the thing its what was not what is. So im moving on to what is my future and not rushing into anymore stupid discisons like i did.

I have decided that im going 2 save my ass off n mb like oct-dec ish time im going over seas 4 a few months dannii will prob come with me but i need to get away i have no idea where i will go but my aunty said she did it and it was the best decison and the best money spent. and im nearly 20 for god sacks and all i have to show 4 it is a brand new car which might seem good to some but to me it doesnt. I am also going 2 hurry up and finsih this course and if i can i might head off to uni to study early childhood and teach pre school- primary school, its time i got my ass into gear and stoped acting like a little 18 year old.

I think over the past month all i have done is just go out and be stupid n hook up with guys and its stupid i think cause i was scared that i would be alone for the rest of my life but rnt we all? no relationship is ever 100% secure and even when we are single we just think will i ever find "the one". We need to learn to let love find us not going running and searching for it, it will find us when the time is right and when we are ready for it.

Life is about what makes you smile not what pushes you down and changes you into something you dont want to be so take experices that you have just as that experices and learning curves and learn from them cause i have big time.

ouch!

so im sitting here very very bored with nothing 2 do house bound with parms that r killing me from the crutches n shoulders man i never new i was this heavy lol!!

but i get off them hopefully 2morrow now just left deciding if its worth going in2 work as a cripple or resting up 4 a couple days!


i indened on saying alot more than this i just cant remember what i was that i was going 2 say woops!

skrew it all!!!

is all i have 2 say!

4 19 years now i havent wanted 2 go 2 the snow n well the opportuity comes up was ment 2 go 2 morrow that was until happened 2 pull n strech ligamints in my ankle n cant walk on my left ankle n im on crutches yay.

over the past few weeks i have been seeing a bit of this guy but its so hard 2 tell i think im just jumping into another relationship 2 just cover up the pain its like y is it that the one that gets hurt takes the longest time 2 move on n holds on two everything but the other one is just able to up and move on its like your meaningless. I no in my heart of hearts its time to move on n find someone new and who knows everyone thinks that im not felling hurt im just felling lonley which i probley am but i dunno ill eventually pick up n move on i wish it was bak like in the 60's how those ppl found true love young and that was it they were still happley in love like 50 years later, no need for heart break there!
but i think ppl need 2 learn from there mistakes to go into a relationship unless your 100% sure of things n dont just think ok cool some1 is intrested in me ill go 4 it size ppl up b4 your giving some1 ur heart.

give me 20 good reasons!!

I listened to this song today was on the radio n i can relate it so much to myself!

n e ways on another topic last night had the best night out ever! i was sobar suprising but i went out with few ppl from bball micheal leary n skye n omg it was awesome we went out 2 the village green n me n micheal were dancing like retartds (my normal self) lol n we had the funnest dance moves n e ways we were right up the front n the lead singer was like omg u guys r fuckin awesome come up on stage n dance so we did me n micheal(skys bf) n we got free jim beam flag things they were huge so we used them as kaps n then we got cow boy hats n yeah n then the singer thought that we had been practing our move b4 we came which we didnt n then thought we were on a date n i was like dude im single lol n his like well who wants this fine lady n i was like i dont want n e 1 i have told myself no men 4 a month n yes u might not all belive me but its true! i need 2 find myself again before i add someone else into the equation! i fell of late that i dont no who i am n thats y im going away 2 queensland soon spending a week with dannii n just gunna leave everything behind just 4 a week n when i come bak ill be strong enough 2 deal with what ever may come my way!

tc all xoxo

the sun has come up!!

well the crisis was majorly diverted 2day thank god!!
so i can stop stressing n worrying!

do you ever think 2 urself why still have felling 4 some1 u wish u didnt that u could leave the past in the past n make a new future for youself!? i wish i could but i dunno its like its still holding me back n i wish the hurt n pain would go away like its not something `that happened just yesterday like i have had time 2 heal but i dunno just cant!!

hope every1 is well xoxo

what am i doing?

As i sit here and think 2 myself melinda what the fuck are you doing to urself!!

as if making 1 mistake wasnt enough i have 2 go and make a even bigger 1! God i have turned into something and someone i have never wanted to be or try be, i have ppl worrying about me and its not right! wat am i doing? i need 2 be pushed back into line so badley.

All i wont is something i cant have and i no i dnt want it bak but i do so what do i do go serching for someone new the worst thing i could have ever done! for this moment foward im not looking at all i will let it come 2 me!

man i am 1 fucked up individual!!! making all the wrong decisions when i no they are wrong yet i do them why why why!!!


On the upside of all this downness we had these ppl come in2 work important ppl 2 do with child care and they said i was a very compedent cofident worker and they thought i was fully qualified and that it was the first time in many many years they have walked into such a carm babies from and that work should be pleased with wat i am doin there because the room is terrific!

take care all!xxx

sunny side up!

I finally got my new car yay! its an awesome lil car n awesome on petrol lovin it i picked it up n it had 9 k's on it lol! never had that b4!
life has finally taken a turn in the right direction my life is sunny side up! i have a new car, my freind from bball is trying 2 set me up with 1 of the guys on the team lol his preaty good looking but im not all that stressed about it she wanted 2 do it so meh what have i got 2 loose! single life has been treating me well i love the free time i have yer it gets lonley sometimes but meh.

i was watching one tree hill n found this quote i think its so true,
Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.

just belive that n e thing in life is possible as long as u try and make is possible no dream is to extream as long as you try and make it come true.