2008

Ever had the felling where everything is a blur and what you wont in and out of your life your not quiet sure about?
like everything you ever found secure is not anymore?

I fell like im 20 and you think that most people by now know what they wont out of life what carrer path they are choosing or what they can seem them selves as in 15 years i see a blur. Because this will be my last blog for the year because i leave for camping on saturday my goals for 2009 are:
- To find out what i wont in life
- To settle down and start living like an adult
- Not drink as much
- And grow up

Its like this year my life has done a complete 360 and i find myself back at the start and its time to start going places and doing more for me.

Merry christmas everyone and have a happy and safe new year guys!

Got me thinking....

So it got me thinking the other day, my mate is 20 same as me and has brought half a house and his brother brought the other half at 20, i am 20 myself and think all i have is a new car which i know sounds like alot to some people but to me i could only dream of owning half a house or going in with people to buy a house. That is why i have come to the conclusion of as of new years my resolution is to save enough for a house deposit or come as close as possible.
I am going to start by paying more than double payments on my car i pay double now but a little more wont hurt i will then save a lot for this house i know i wont have much of a going out life but they are doing something that will set them up for life and as mick sat me down and helped me work everything out it is so possible.

So i thought so many of us have these dreams but we are always like omg no way that is way to hard no its way out of reach its not all it takes is for you to yes i am doing it and then to put the plan into motion, you need to set your self a target and at first it will seem so scary thinking omg im saving 20-30 thousand for a house or im saving so much for a new car or to go over seas its not scary, life is about dream and for filling those dreams and living. Trust me if i can save for a house than anything is possible i love my shopping but a house is so much better.


15 days till xmas!! thank god then im going camping yay cant wait.

what if?...

The question that comes to mind of late is what if?

what if people gace things a second chance and for gave people if they did wrong but they could over come this and give things and people a second chance?

what if people were prepaired to jump and werent worried were they landed?

what if you could see into the future and see where you future and your life was heading?

what if you could turn off fellings for people because u know it will only lead to heart break in the end?

so many more questions come to mind when i think of this life is like a rollar coster ride we all have our ups and downs yes the downs can be bad really bad but what if we could get over and forgive or forget? then the ups are so good they are like the happiest days in your life or those moments you dont want to ever end, but as they say all good things have to come to an end why? why must all good things come to and end if they make us fell the happiest and the most incontrol we have ever felt why must all good things come to an end?

why is it also that guys are so complecated never knowing from one day to the next what they wont always using girls as "a piece of meat" where have all the decent guys gone ones looking to settle down and not just to have a "fling"?

Its all done for the minute

so i have had the operation and all that jazz. Thank god its over for know, when i had all the tests done on "the lump" it came back as one type of cyst which is call a branchial cleft cyst which starts forming from embrio stage and its skin particles that done close over and all attach together and cause a cyst, when they opened up my neck they couldnt find the cyst there suprise suprise and they then thought it was an infection in my limft noide in the neck so the drained all that and took all that out in the operation. That all then got sent off to the lab app it was the size of a golf ball and tests where ran on it. When i got the 1st lot of results back it showed that there were no bugs which was a good sign no cancer nothing so i was happy until the second lot of results came back, showing that i had a cyst of the limft noide not an infection so this means that a cyst could re accor on my neck again down the track because when they had me asleep they didnt now it was a cyst so they didnt remove it all, so i could get another one down the track they think it is unlikey because i spent the week in hopsital with 2 drains coming out of my neck, this would have drainied any access cells left behind (we hope) needless to say when my specalist found this out he got a few ppl in trouble because this is why i had the ultra sound done the ct scan and the biopsey done to ensure that when it got to operation time we had no suprises but in my case we had a big one so yes. So its back to hopsital on monday to get the remaining stiches out which shouldnt hurt considering the last 5 didnt that were holding the drains in, so now i have this nice big dressing on my neck keeping the thing covered and to little things keeping the lil holes closed were the drains were.

So im glad its all over and i got out of hopsital which ended up being like a jail it was that boring no tv nothing and a whole lot of old ppl i was the only girl on the ward and all old men snoring their heads off it was an awesome week.

Have a good weekend take care all!!

YAY ITS NEARLY OVER!!!

So today i had my ct scan and biopsey which were both as scary as anything, it become the day from hell. It all started with the Ct scan and the lady saying ok we are going to inject some blue die into you and i was like hang on hold up and i said to dad no i dont want it with my heart and all i dont know what this stupid die stuff is going to do so i didnt have the die but still had to have the stupid scan which was this big donut looking thing going round and round my kneck taking pictures and i just got to lay there while the bed moved back wards and fowards and so on it kinda made you fell like car sick ish no good. Then it was off to have the biopsey which hurt like hell!! i nearly screamed when the neddle went into my kneck and the man kept moving it so he could try get some of the fluid out it felt grows and saw as having a needle moved up and down in your kneck and only getting like half a neddles worth of shit out when they tell you oww yes we will easly get two needles worth out for you and so most of the lump will go down, so not the case at all the lump is still big annouying but not as saw and i can move my kneck a bit more freely now. But what came of my wonderful 2 hours in hospital was that they are like 99% sure it is a cyst which will deffently need to be cut out and they have to put my to sleep to do that, so im totally freaking out 1 because i hate hospitals at 2 i hate being put to sleep there just the worry of not waking up i know it just to have a cyst removed, but i worry. Also i found out i wont be having it removed till it goes down they wont opperate on it while its so big which is a pain cause i just wont it out now.

But the second half of my day was awesome the sarvo went to a mates house and swam in the pool for like 3 hours we just sat and chat and swam a bit and i got brown lol for once in my life i didnt burn!!

I also am going to do and stick to this time no drinking till christmas day!! i know hard to belive me doin it two months its going to be hard but so far i have done it and farley easly, i havent really had the urge to drink or anything so 12 days into my 55 day challange and im doing really well! i have lasted longer than any other time! everyone has beats that i will only last 2 weeks but clearly i will pass that and a month tops but i will push for the 55 days cause who needs to drink to have fun?? if you do then that i reckon is sad. And you shouldnt need a drink to dance either i reckon but hey each to their own.

take care!

moving on up

Went to oaks day yesterday had the best fun ever was awesome just me and hannah went we got sunburt but it was well worth it, we won money lol.

so the lump is starting to become painfull and i just wont it out im getting over it over the lack of sleep because of it, its because every time i sleep on it; it hurts which wakes me up.

so my fish are still alive and kicking 2 weeks on 1 clean of the tank later and they are still going!! woo yeah go me. the last 4 were dead by now so im doing well lol thanks to the help of a few ppl.

so i was ment to be moving out of home soon and moving in with some mates the house is nearly ready but i dont think i will anymore being at home is good im managaing to save some money at shit so me and mate that were going to move in choose not to any more we have decided we are going to save for our own house. sounds like a big thing but these days with the first home buyers grant go up its better to by your own house and put money you would have spent on rent paying someone else morgage off your own.
so we are hoping by round this time next year to have the money saved up and going looking.

whats around the corner!?

So i went to the specalist about "the lump" and it is a cyst!
so i go and have a ct scan done in 2 weeks and then go back and see him on the 17th nov which i will then get booked in for the operation.
I have to stay in over night which is the down side of things but with my heart prob and stuff they just wanna make sure im 100% ok before they let me go home.

Last night went to daveys first time in a long time i been back there was not half bad 4 a fri night music wasnt to bad but it only started to get good at like 2 30ish. We then went across to flannies and catched up with Erin, Cara, Rhiannen, Heather and Jack who apparently i have met before but dont remember the guy at all, but it was good to see the chicks.

So im all pumped 4 oaks day on thursday going down to pakey for the races which should be awesome getting all dressed up and stuff head on down might have a few drinks but not 2 sure yet trying to not drink for the whole of november which prob wont happen easy but hey its worth a try.

wow im 20!

So today i turn 20.
its kinda scary like know when ppl say how old r u i can say im in my twenties! no longer do i say nineTEEN!! like dont have the teen thing n e more! which mean its time 2 grow up and i have been and people have notcied, which is a start and a step in the right direction.

i was thinking to myself i wanna set some goals that i wish to reach before i turn 21!

- i want to have my course finished and be a qualifed child care worker

- I want to settle down or find someone and kinda settle off the party seen for a bit its like the last 4ish months all i have been doing is going out and getting drunk which is fun but 1 a waste of money and 2 kinda getting bit over it

- i would like to be moved out of home and happy

- i want to have some more money saved up so i can go over seas

- And this year i wanna have the best new years ever! im going away with some awesome ppl and it should be the best fun yes they r making fun of me and skye coz were bring our hair striaghtners but oww well were girls!

- and i wont to have most of my car loan payed off!

i hope i can reach all of these things before my 21st and i know i can as long as i set my mind to it and save my but off.

afta all i am speding my bday with the best bunch of ppl going round!

shake it

so its exactly 1 week till my birthday 2 exciting going to be 20 which is the scary part but im excited!
off to laser force this saturday everyone thinks they will beat me mm sure guys!

so today is 2 years that my grandpa died and 7 since my aunty!
its fells just like yesterday i was in year 12 n found out i lost my grandpa and that my aunty died time just goes so quick but the pain doesnt go away as quick.

I also wish i could figure out the male brain its weird n confusing and i just dont get it!!

you know i could somebody, someone like you

ever felt like your the most unhappiest person and that your sourounded in a sea of the most happiest ppl going around?

like everything you ever thought was good in life turns out 2 be one big lie?

and that all you wanna do it know why?

oww what a night!!!

so last night dont remember that much at all me and daniel got smashed bunch of us went up to ha pennys for a mates 21st and got wasted i had 4 shots and 4 brezzers and 2 beers by 12 00, i was then kicked out at 12 30 for being to drunk. I have never been so drunk in all my life i couldnt hold my head up. We then caught a taxi back to a mates house were i just crashed and didnt see the light of day till 10 30 when i got up i still felt drunk which is the worst felling ever i didnt even manage to sleep thru the worst bit of the hang over i had to live it in the morning!! so then skye had to drive me 2 my car which i was in no state to drive to then daniel drove it from frankston to pakenham going like 120 the whole way thought i was going to die!!

We then had to do some work and me and skye had to fill wheel barrows with rocks and shit with a shuvel into wheel barrow and races with the guys of who could do it quicker we would have won if we didnt tip all of ours out. but we managed to fill and empty one in 7 minutes world record!
was and awesome day got sun burt on one arm but all in the name of fun!
18 days till my bday yay!!

like that

i had the best day yesterday with grand final day went over to daniels watch the fotty and then had a bit 2 drink had few beers and lots of bacardi. we then went out and played markers up it was awesome fun.

i got my hair died it dark as love it with bit on blonde thru it!
the count down is on till my birthday and loving it 26 days so kinda nearly there!
going camping in a couple weeks to which will be awesome see how we go!

im gunna take a chance

So i went thru bit of a ruff patch with my phone breaking and other shit but im over it all thank god!

i went on another date last night with a diff guy last 1 didnt fell n e thing was really there so yeah left it but this one was with my mates brother him and skye are trying to set us up which isnt a bad thing he is the first decent guy i have met in years! his is nice good looking has goals in life him and my mate micheal (his brother) have just gone halfes in a brand new house and his parent own a buisness that in the future they will take over so his is an all round cool guy and he nows how to have fun! we all went out 2 the village green last night awesome night had bit much 2 drink but hey who cares did a few shots and had a dance, life in general has just been awesome recently like its all starting to come back 2 gether and im just so much happier.

stupid flu

So that time has come i thought i would have missed it but i have caught the dreaded flu! i thought i was doing so well every1 around me had caught it and i missed it n thought awesome but no!

Friday night was prop one of the funniest nights out i have had in a long time, we went to fusion at crown and i brought and new shoes for it, the night started at 4 30pm friday arvo when me n skye started drinking, we were trashed by 8 00 on the way to the city it was quiet the funny train ride the boys thought it would be funny if the played this game were you say a word and then u have to keep saying it louder and louder but without laughing, due to mine and skyes immaturity we were out stright away from laughing but not the boys they got louder and louder and it was quiet embarrassing but so funny at the same time. Once we got into the city it was awesome havent been there in so long heaps of weirdos but going to crown was awesome... lol sliding floors lol me n mick had a thing of who could go futher and of course i won lol i have had practice lol! Once we caught the last train home we missed the 1 back to cranbourne to we got off at dandy were a mate picked us up, omg i was so worried we would get raped this guy was out the front who had been bashed and his face was all bleeding and grows brought back some preaty bad memories! but hey it was dandy!

so my date yesterday went well not rushing into n e thing taking it slow i have just gotten my indapendece back and enjoy it so much, i really dunno how ppl cane come out of a relationship and 2 months or bit more later can be back in one mb im different but im just enjoying going out with the girls if u pick up sweet if u dont its not a massive loss, so with this guy im just gunna wait and c and wait till im ready 2 jump back into being tied down again!

i have a date!!! ahhhhhh

so on saturday im going on a date during the day kinda nervious like i have just gotten used 2 the single life the past couple weeks and am starting to enjoy it, i have been msg this guy i play bball with n his really nice but i just dunno every1 at work is telling me just give him a go and see if something happenes if it doesnt it doesnt if it does kool!but i dunno im just a bit unsure i guess i think like most of em said the past few guys i have been with app i dunno havent treated my right they think n now that this guy is im like umm what your just to nice whats ur story lol! but he doesnt! we have got nick name 4 eachother 2 weird i no dolp n dosh! im dolp means doppey which is me 2 the end lol!

things in life tho have been preaty good latley like i have been really happy n cant wait 4 summer!

n e ways gotta another massive drunken weekend planned once again city friday night then somewhere with a mate saturday! hope every1 else has a good 1!
cath yas! xx

im so excited!!!

so im super pumped.... layton has inivited me 2 his 21st right but thats not the exciting part the good bit is you have 2 dress formal! which i cant wait 2 actually have 2 get dressed up properly to go out! much to his excitment to he point out mel you actually have 2 get out of your trackies and jumper for this 1 so its my time to shine lol!

im going dress shopping tomorrow with lanie from work its not till oct 4th but ow well time to start preparing lol, im also getting hair extenisions put in but they are just clip in ones so i can take em in and out as much as i please which is good and my aunty is gunna put em in n crap 4 me!


so life this past week has been full of its ups n downs stayed at the boys a few nights but im kinda back home mum rang n yeah so im staying home some night n there some nights but im deffently moving out of home just not happy here n e more so i look like moving in with 1 of this chicks from work has room 4 me in like this house thats off the house so ill have my own place and yeah so just a wait n c thing now!

tc all xx

kicked out!

SO last night i had the biggest fight with my dad ever like we have had bad but this was worse than bad! he told me 2 pack my shit and get out! so i have been kicked out of home n just sorta staying at ppl houses, but it looks like mb ill be moving in with stace n the boys! but i need 2 move out of home n this has just forced me 2!

Anyways im must be off have 2 leave home b4 dad gets back which will be soon!
catch yas later! xx

last year

So today at work we were talking about grand final day and what we did last year and what we plan on doing this year n blah blah blah!

But it got me thinking god what did i do last grand final day? and then it all came bak 2 me lol what a messy night that was!
I remember me n jess planning it going 2 her house n have the good old fotty traditional 4n20 meat pies which ended up n us have a few pre drinks n a nanna nap then heading out with n len n daz and that being the night i met steve! n god they say first impressions count 4 a lot i had all red cruier spilt down my top n i was as drunk as and ended up hiding steve shoes n a cupboard n i was going 2 wash them lol! god! and then it ended on me nearly i think passing out on lens bed! haha!
n e ways getting 2 daveys they said they were going 2 leave me behind but i managed 2 b kinda sobar n got in2 daveys!
but it imasing how much changes in a year like i have got more mature left tafe work full time lens pregnant been out with steve.

today has also been a downer of a day it is 2 years that my granpda has passed away! never gets n e easier liek i think about him most days n miss him like crazy every day and i no every1 says it but i wish i could have had just 1 more day with him!!

n e ways does n e 1 no that actual date of the fotty grand final? i thought it was the 29th but thats a monday??

JUST DANCE!!!!

So i have been a bit of a party animal this weekend and its been frakin awesome its like im back 2 being 18 n going out all the time lol! Its like i have the new lease on life n i dunno i went out friday night with few ppl from bball n got wasted but it was fun as cause they dont care how u act and we were all drunk and it was just the best fun, and then were heading out again 2night who nos where and thats the good bit we dont decide till the last minute and were drunk and so we go anywhere and its awesome, expect when last night they were trying 2 set me up with some dude n i was like hell no he was hot as but i dunno im liking being single like i hated it at the start and i still get lonley but i love the fact i can do n e thing i wont dont have to tell, someone where im going what im doing or invite them out cause its just me!!!

OMG i took my lil cousin shopping thurs night i think mia she is 6 and some shop assistant said to me ow my is she yours like it was a crime if she was or as if i was a slut or something if she was mine which i think is so wrong what wrong this society just b/c im 19 and had a kid with me they assume which is fair enough but so what if she was mine?? whats the crime there? yes i would have been 13 when i had her which is wrong and yeah but i looked older she thought i was 21, but yeah i just thought that was really wrong!

On to my poor lil puppy who had to face a long long visit to the vet 2day i didnt end up getting home till like 3.30ish and we got in the vet our opp was for 11 45 but didnt get in till like 12.15 but then my poor lil thing had to have tests done and shit on his ears cause his yellping heaps cause they hurt but i felt so sorry for him they were sticking things down his ears and yeah was not nice for him at all but afta sitting there that whole time we have to see who some medicine goes and if it doesnt work he has to have an opperation :( and cause he has a prop with one of his eyes they put some die in it to make it green and then see if there was n e thing wrong like if it was skratched or n e thing and he yelleped and i felt like the worst mum like my poor baby was in pain (and you all may think im stupid his just a dog but i his my puppy) and he was looking at me saying make em stop but i felt so bad for the poor thing and we just have 2 sit tight n wait n c if the medication works by next sat and if it doesnt they will do more tests!

hope every1 is well! take care guys!
xx

SO WHAT!!

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

I guess i just lost my husband I don't know where he went So i'm gonna drink my money I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope) I got a brand new attitude And i'm gonna wear it tonight I wanna get in trouble I wanna start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na I wanna start a fight Na Na Na Na Na Na Na I wanna start a fight

So so what? I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't need you And guess what I'm having more fun And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright, I'm just fine And you're a tool So so what? I am a rockstar I got my rock moves And i don't want you tonight

Uh, check my flow, uh

The waiter just checked my table And gave to Jessica Simp- Shit! I guess i'll go sit with Tom boy At least he'll know how to hit What if this song's on the radio Then somebody's gonna die I'm gonna get in trouble My ex will start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na He's gonna start a fight Na Na Na Na Na Na Na We're all gonna get in a fight!

So so what? I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't need you And guess what I'm having more fun And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright, I'm just fine And you're a tool So so what? I am a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't want you tonight

You weren't fair You never were You weren't all But thats not fair I gave you life I gave my all You weren't there You let me fall So so what? I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't need you And guess what I'm having more fun And now that we're done (we're done) I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright(I'm alright),I'm just fine (I'm just fine) And you're a tool So so what? I am a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't want you tonight

No No, No No I Don't want you tonight You weren't fair I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright, I'm just fine And you're a tool So so what? I am a rock star I got my rock moves And i don't want you tonight Ba da da da da da



this is my new fav song i love it lol!

last night was the best night out ever was random n spontanious and i loved the felling of not knowing were we were going to end up! started at eden in berwick me n lanie fron work n we didnt no it was over 28's so we looked like lil babies and afta like 20 mins we thought fuck this n left n just drove 2wards the city, then my mate msged me n said he was working at star bar n we should headin on in so we thought ok sounds good well do u think we could find claradon street no without my GPS im fucked lol we couldnt read the melways 2 save our lives lol and ended up all the way at duddley street near witches and britches layton then tried givin us directions so didnt work so we thought fuck it lets just got home and then i remember leary from bball was having ppl over so we came home got changed into trackies n jumpers n uggs n headin down 2 good old frankston lol it was the best night ever like the felling of not knowing and just driving was awesome!
Anyways me n dan from bball are off 2 carabian market lol im taking him retail (market threapy) shopping lol

have a good day all! (i love not felling hung over)

catch yas xoxo

meh mmm..

So life on the upside is great totally loving it, i cant wait 4 this tax return i cant wait to get my wii super pumped n i have decided im also buying a new strightner 4 my hair a really good one its called a GHD 4 the chicks out there it costs around $300 but they last ages n they r awesome!

I also got my hair done again so im back 2 brown was getting sick of the blonde n my mate said if i bleched it again my hair would fall out n we dnt want that!lol

n e ways was hoping if i started typing something would mb come 2 me but nothing has so meh ill post something when i can think of something to post! lol!

take care xxx

found myself finally!!

LOL so i just saw the funniest thing in my whole life mb not whole life but its deffently up there with the greats! no going to repeat but it was freakin helrious!!

so this week i am back 2 my old bubbley self only took me like 4.5 months but im back here again yay!!!
i also brought a sticker 4 the back of my car so now its good a cool as i no it sounds lame but roxy sticker it takes up the side of my back window looks really good which im happy about!

i also dunno what to do kinda in a pickle i have been seeing a bit more of this guy layton taking it slow cause i dunno i have just started 2 find myself again and im enjoy the single life like yes dont get my wrong i fell lonley but i dont wanna settle again unless i no its right, so were taking things slow but i guess if its ment to be it will be but its showed me just what i have been missing out on like his the nicest guy ever.
N e ways off to bball hope every1 else is going well!

ohh n i have decided to not get the tv or the plates im saving the rest of the money for my trip to thiland at the end of the year so atleast i have got the ball rolling on my saving once again!

tc xx

No idea what to decide!!

ok so i got my tax return done and now comes the hard part what do i buy with it!

I am buy my wii n my wii fit but then with the other half is the hard decision!
i have always wanted personlised number plates for ages or do i wont a wide screen tv 2 go with the wii??

and if i choose the plates which i am leaning dowards i dunno what i should get them 2 say lol!
i was thinking mel.88 or mcm 88 i have no idea lol suggestions?


so sat night i dont remember very much of that night at all it was very messy me n danni this guy on my bball team were doing shots all night and man did i fell it i was up at candices chucking for half the night and woke up the next morning with the biggest hang over i have ever had i was trashed by 12 30. it was awesome as tho we had the best night out and danced heaps!
I did however in my drunkin state msg layton this guy kinda but not seeing and that was a mistale and trying to get yourself out of the mess the next morning when you have figured out what you have done is not an easy task but oww well! was awesome as!

tc all xxx

sorry

Sorry 2 all those people who i hurt and pissed off while i was going thru my down stage, but i have come out of it lfe is worth living not wollowing on the past on what was, thats the thing its what was not what is. So im moving on to what is my future and not rushing into anymore stupid discisons like i did.

I have decided that im going 2 save my ass off n mb like oct-dec ish time im going over seas 4 a few months dannii will prob come with me but i need to get away i have no idea where i will go but my aunty said she did it and it was the best decison and the best money spent. and im nearly 20 for god sacks and all i have to show 4 it is a brand new car which might seem good to some but to me it doesnt. I am also going 2 hurry up and finsih this course and if i can i might head off to uni to study early childhood and teach pre school- primary school, its time i got my ass into gear and stoped acting like a little 18 year old.

I think over the past month all i have done is just go out and be stupid n hook up with guys and its stupid i think cause i was scared that i would be alone for the rest of my life but rnt we all? no relationship is ever 100% secure and even when we are single we just think will i ever find "the one". We need to learn to let love find us not going running and searching for it, it will find us when the time is right and when we are ready for it.

Life is about what makes you smile not what pushes you down and changes you into something you dont want to be so take experices that you have just as that experices and learning curves and learn from them cause i have big time.

ouch!

so im sitting here very very bored with nothing 2 do house bound with parms that r killing me from the crutches n shoulders man i never new i was this heavy lol!!

but i get off them hopefully 2morrow now just left deciding if its worth going in2 work as a cripple or resting up 4 a couple days!


i indened on saying alot more than this i just cant remember what i was that i was going 2 say woops!

skrew it all!!!

is all i have 2 say!

4 19 years now i havent wanted 2 go 2 the snow n well the opportuity comes up was ment 2 go 2 morrow that was until happened 2 pull n strech ligamints in my ankle n cant walk on my left ankle n im on crutches yay.

over the past few weeks i have been seeing a bit of this guy but its so hard 2 tell i think im just jumping into another relationship 2 just cover up the pain its like y is it that the one that gets hurt takes the longest time 2 move on n holds on two everything but the other one is just able to up and move on its like your meaningless. I no in my heart of hearts its time to move on n find someone new and who knows everyone thinks that im not felling hurt im just felling lonley which i probley am but i dunno ill eventually pick up n move on i wish it was bak like in the 60's how those ppl found true love young and that was it they were still happley in love like 50 years later, no need for heart break there!
but i think ppl need 2 learn from there mistakes to go into a relationship unless your 100% sure of things n dont just think ok cool some1 is intrested in me ill go 4 it size ppl up b4 your giving some1 ur heart.

give me 20 good reasons!!

I listened to this song today was on the radio n i can relate it so much to myself!

n e ways on another topic last night had the best night out ever! i was sobar suprising but i went out with few ppl from bball micheal leary n skye n omg it was awesome we went out 2 the village green n me n micheal were dancing like retartds (my normal self) lol n we had the funnest dance moves n e ways we were right up the front n the lead singer was like omg u guys r fuckin awesome come up on stage n dance so we did me n micheal(skys bf) n we got free jim beam flag things they were huge so we used them as kaps n then we got cow boy hats n yeah n then the singer thought that we had been practing our move b4 we came which we didnt n then thought we were on a date n i was like dude im single lol n his like well who wants this fine lady n i was like i dont want n e 1 i have told myself no men 4 a month n yes u might not all belive me but its true! i need 2 find myself again before i add someone else into the equation! i fell of late that i dont no who i am n thats y im going away 2 queensland soon spending a week with dannii n just gunna leave everything behind just 4 a week n when i come bak ill be strong enough 2 deal with what ever may come my way!

tc all xoxo

the sun has come up!!

well the crisis was majorly diverted 2day thank god!!
so i can stop stressing n worrying!

do you ever think 2 urself why still have felling 4 some1 u wish u didnt that u could leave the past in the past n make a new future for youself!? i wish i could but i dunno its like its still holding me back n i wish the hurt n pain would go away like its not something `that happened just yesterday like i have had time 2 heal but i dunno just cant!!

hope every1 is well xoxo

what am i doing?

As i sit here and think 2 myself melinda what the fuck are you doing to urself!!

as if making 1 mistake wasnt enough i have 2 go and make a even bigger 1! God i have turned into something and someone i have never wanted to be or try be, i have ppl worrying about me and its not right! wat am i doing? i need 2 be pushed back into line so badley.

All i wont is something i cant have and i no i dnt want it bak but i do so what do i do go serching for someone new the worst thing i could have ever done! for this moment foward im not looking at all i will let it come 2 me!

man i am 1 fucked up individual!!! making all the wrong decisions when i no they are wrong yet i do them why why why!!!


On the upside of all this downness we had these ppl come in2 work important ppl 2 do with child care and they said i was a very compedent cofident worker and they thought i was fully qualified and that it was the first time in many many years they have walked into such a carm babies from and that work should be pleased with wat i am doin there because the room is terrific!

take care all!xxx

sunny side up!

I finally got my new car yay! its an awesome lil car n awesome on petrol lovin it i picked it up n it had 9 k's on it lol! never had that b4!
life has finally taken a turn in the right direction my life is sunny side up! i have a new car, my freind from bball is trying 2 set me up with 1 of the guys on the team lol his preaty good looking but im not all that stressed about it she wanted 2 do it so meh what have i got 2 loose! single life has been treating me well i love the free time i have yer it gets lonley sometimes but meh.

i was watching one tree hill n found this quote i think its so true,
Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.

just belive that n e thing in life is possible as long as u try and make is possible no dream is to extream as long as you try and make it come true.

tell me how im supposed to breath with no air

Life can send you on some twisted paths leading to your happely ever after or to you world war 3!
im a strong beliver that things happen for a reason, and that if a door closes you learn from you experices and that you must move foward in order to accomplish and no why it is that door closed! when one door closes another one opens weather or not that is the right one for you or not is not to be known only time will tell and show you if it really was the right door to open!

Moving foward to soon is going to lead you to things that prehaps you dont wish to do but yet waiting can also give the impression that " thats it".
Life is full of many obsitcals that surround as and are there to challange us and make us grow into a bigger and better person than what we used to be, in my eye me moving foward is to leave the past behind leave the happy memories and the sad one will never appear because in your eyes all you can see is the happy things that life brings to you. I am fully ready to move on now and start that new chapter with my new car and a new refrshed happier me one that is going to take risks because a risk is their to challange you and show you wat life is really all about.
Moving foward as just being me is better than me+1 because as many say you born just you and your family people come and go but your family will always be there for you no matter wat so the people that come and go you love and imbrase them for when they are around but when they are gone you need to let them go.
My grandpa coming and telling me in my dreams that i need to let him go cause he couldnt go until i was fully ready 2 accept that he was gone but when i did i knew that he was gone but yet all the happy memories will never die!

this was one blog that will prob not make sence to many but it is stuff i need to say and get out and re assure myself that i am doing wats right for me because i no myself not because someone else is telling me!!

mm well...

Over the past week i have had some time to so some serious me time time to just sit back relax and think my little brain out. Life over the past month has had its rocky moments and its heart break but as i start to see a the light at the end of the tunnel, it bring a sign of relief.

Im not going to say that i am happy with some decisions that have happened cause im not but yet im over people telling me that there is plenty more fish in the sea, sometimes you want just 1 fish n u cant have it!!! it is driving me insane! i begin then to wonder going out last weekend was awesome with the chicks from work i hooked up with the 3 people i only remember 2 but apperently there was a 3rd some how yet every time i hooked up wtih one of em felt kinda like i was cheating i have no idea why tho cause im not but who no's, then this guy got my number all well n good msged a pew time called a few time n i was like meh not all that interested but hey who nos! and then during my thinking session decided i would stay single a bit more longer as many would say "play the field" sounds slutty i no but i dunno if im quiet ready to be setteled down again.

so as i start a new chapter in my life one with new hair color and a new me one that acts more mauture acts older than i was and is making something of myself taking a car loan was one of the best things i have had to act like an adult and its done me some good. so as i leave the old me behind the immature irrasponsible stupid blonde heart broken me behind and im picking up the pieces and starting a new better me i think a SMART blonder version!!.

new car

well this is my new car!

im so excited get it in a couple weeks so ill b zoomin round it in really soon n not the old bomb, and i got a really good price on it so yeah all excited fresh start!

i was going to get the orange but once i looked at green again it was like buy me so i did lol n im going to call it MINI SHREK!

take care all hope alls well xx

mmmm

so once again im back to the single life!
i never noticed how lonley it fells 2 be single
i hope that one day the tears will stop n the hurt will stop and i will come 2 realise that shit happens and you just have to move on.
i went to church for the first time today in a year or so and i needed to go i learnt that doors close and you learn from your experences and the maybe in time it will happen again but if it doesnt then you just take it as time well spent then and time now to move on.

anyways on to a lighter brighter topic now, i got a good price on my new car im so excited now just putting in loan papers 2morrow n hopefully in a couple weeks ill be driving round my new car so im excited!

anyways take care all!xx

ok so i just thought i would start typing n c where i end up.

Life has been so busy of late im working 10-6.30 for the past 2 weeks n i love it but by 6 30 im recked n just wanna go 2 bed but it has also been awesome i have been able 2 go out a few night 2 the pub n stuff, which has been awesome.
Im excited in 2 weeks im going 2 be a perminate assistant in the babies room which is awesome cause i love it in there they are also lil kids n sleep all day lol!
The lady im working with is also great fun n we have heaps plans 4 our new room! :D

Im also going looking 4 a new car this weekend which i cant wait i need a new 1 so so so so so so bad my car now is so old n un relaible its like its gunna go n e day!
I have also started 2 join the gym finally i have decided 2 get fit n drop a few kilos on my belly so im really excited bout that n im going 3 times a week! so ill b busy busy!

n e ways take care all
xx

get me out of this water so deap!

my life has now become one of stress, me n my dad r non stop fighting and work is stressing me out slowly!

i have never been so bored in all my life i have been home all day n tried doing some homework but i just cant stay motivated longer than an hour n nothing gets done in that hour, i might read thru couple pages but thats all that seems to happen which i could, stay motivated longer get this stupid course over n done with so much quicker.

i have found a new song that i have fallen in love with i think you should all have a listen
its called: NO AIR BY JORDIN SPARKS!
its awesome!

n e ways hope all ppls r well!
byez xx

the sun will come out tomorrow

i have finally after 19.5 years come 2 learn life always has its bad days! my luck has finally changed 4 the better, n it couldnt come at a better time.

work has become somehwre i enjoy being now, i am with the age group i like 2 b with n enjoy being with, n still get 2 do breaks a couple days a week.
I am also getting along with most of the girls now n fell kinda accepted no that sounds stupid but yeh, im starting 2 go 2 the gym once a week with 1 of them n a couple of us r doing hip hop!!

Thing with my family n stuff r going preaty well 2 im starting 2 get along with dad better which is an up side, n me n steve seem happy, so its all going good again.

it has also been nearly 2 years that my grandpa has passed away man does time fly iim am still always thinking of him but these last 2 years have just flown by.

hope lifes going good 4 every one else.
take care all
xoxo

why?

if i only knew the answer to this question so many questions in my life would b answered!

why do ppl have 2 leave?
why do ppl change?
why ppl always say i wish i had 1 more min with the person? that is easy b/c sometimes 1 min can mean a life time of forgivness would come true!
why cant ppl say sorry?

my life in the past few months has changed alot i have tried 2 grow up a bit n i can kinda c me changing i need 2 b more responisble n i no it i just cant make it work but why?

why cant ppl understand that its only human 2 make mistakes what makes me both angry and upset selfish ppl who dnt care, just lil things of late have made me really upset b/c someone makes one mistake its like there whole lifes worth comes up b/c the stuff up but isnt it just human 2 make a mistake?

i have tried 2 take up a new way set my self goals that i have 2 try reach at the end of the month n its like everything i set myself neva gets reached i fell of late just inadequate b/c i make mistakes.

sometimes i wish life wasnt so hard like it was one nice rainbow but all i no is im not gunna bak down i will try harder n harder 2 figure out why?
life isnt about doing wat other ppl want you to do its about what YOU want to do!

xxx

bored bored

yay im finally going out 2 the pub n dont have work 2morrow!

i can go out n drink havent dunk 4 the past couple weeks have been on penacilne!( or how eva u spell it lol)

life is going good. im happy with everythingt easter is coming n that means LOTS of chocolate!

i really have nothing much 2 say but havent done a blog in a while!
last night was quiet interesting i wrote up steves hw on the white board n i got it all right n most of the symbols i got right 2 which was a bonus lol but it was funny!!

well have happy safe easter every1!
xx

poem!

yo i just found thi spoem i heard it when i watched coach carter i thought yall shoudl all have a read of it cause it is so so so so true


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear isthat we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not ourdarkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to bebrilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you notto be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve theworld. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is withinus. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let ourown light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to dothe same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presenceautomatically liberates others."

Do WhaT MAkEs U HaPpY B WiT WHo Makes U SmilE LAugh As Much as U bReatHE & LuV AS LoNg aS u Live!!

whiles typing this blog i had no idea what to say.
i thought for ages n ages, n nothing came 2 mind. its like of late i say something then 5 minutes later i ask the same question i swear im going senial in my old age lol.

Of late i have been great me n steve have been 2gether for 4 moths last friday the 15th seems like so much longer but yeah 4 months!!

i have decided that i have come up with a new saying that im gunna try
Do WhaT MAkEs U HaPpY B WiT WHo Makes U SmilE LAugh As Much as U bReatHE & LuV AS LoNg aS u Live!!
i think it really sums up too me that just be happy, do anything that makes u happy and dont regreat anything.

as i said this blog is mostly bout nothing exciting i just felt the need to post another one since its been so long lol!

tc all and dont 4 get
Do WhaT MAkEs U HaPpY B WiT WHo Makes U SmilE LAugh As Much as U bReatHE & LuV AS LoNg aS u Live!!
it will truly bring happeness to you!! :)

Understanding Analysis!

i am reading this book called understanding analysis, it seems interesting its a steve book of maths n i was like hmm! so im gunna try n read it in a week! 249 pages.
i no that i can do it lol.

last night we all went out was pritty good night played bowling was a bit stupid but yeah, then we all went 2 flannies was pritty good fun! people donated too the mel get drunk foundation lol was queit funny people got out all there poo change and gave it to me it was $9.40 lol! was quiet funny, and steve got his 2 bourbon and cokes so thanks people for donating!!

im really excited next saturday its jess birthday party a loft im so excited!

well as of today i have decide im going to mature up a bit and stop being a child! i think the time has come. well take care yall!!

always look on the upside!!

life recently has been full of its ups and downs.
i wish 2 point out 2 n e one, if you are reading my blog i type and spell the way
i wish! if you dont like it then dont read it!!!

know on 2 a brighter topic! this week steve has started re doing the inside of his
car n its so cute he has so many ideas in his head that i hope for him they
all work out cause i reckon if i did then the car would look awesome!! (good luck hunny)

I have also found a new car that had my dads approval OMG! and its
just the car that i have been looking 4 so next weekend im going 2 take it for a test
drive n c if i like it and if i do i reckon i might buy it!
its kinda scary having 2 take out a loan but ow well im a big kid n working lots
so i think i will all work out!

As we head into febuary it is getting closer 2 valantinse day n i super excited cause the day after is mine n steves 4 months yes seems like only a small time but 2 me it seems we have been 2 gether for so much longer but im really happy! n its nearly his birthday n im trying super hard 2 think of something to get him, but nothing comes 2 mind lol!

well n e ways bak 2 work 2 morrow till the next long weekend :( take care all!!

Pictures of you pictures of me!

i was listening 2 this song!
PICTURES OF YOU by THE LAST GOODNIGHT!
it just reminded me so much of when i was in year 12 n how i am know n just shows how much ppl change n wat i could have done different in year 12 like actually study 4 my exams n b doing something know with my life like going 2 uni n not be like i am now not getting n e hours at work i wish now i had done stuff different n if i could do it all again i so would change so much! but then i think 2 myself if i went 2 uni i wouldnt have met the wonderful ppl i no now i wouldnt have met steve so i have an awesome life i just wish i was doing more working more they say money makes the world go round n they r not wrong 1 bit! i fell like if i could just get one steady reliable job i would b set i need a new car so bad! so hopefull i can get a job thru someone i no but i dont always wanna reliey on ppl i no i wanna b able 2 get a job for me by myself! not always have other ppl getting it for me!
sorry if this blog is bit depressing i just fell so blah! like everyone i no has a job or is set! im so not! so ya! well n e ways bak 2 the job hunting!!
ta taz!

my day was awesome!

my dad started as of last night!
went 2 kareocke n me n nat did the best version of jesse girl eva we rocked! lol even if i do say so my self! steve did few good songs 2 but he 4 got the words 2 1 of em!( think he got stage fright lol) but he picked up his game 4 the next few songs!

2day was such an awseome day i had a awesome day trip with steve 2 sorrento it was an us day we had the best fun i got knocked over by few big waves (cause im so little n fragile lol)

then we went n got some fish n chips n went and some at some beach but there was apparently some massive jelly fish so got scared n got out of the water lol!!

but know its off 2 watch my show n then bak 2 work 2morrow :( but i need the money lol!
so tc all have a good rest of the week!
n have good weekend!! ta ta!

Running up that road, running up that hill!!

since new years has come n gone this year has been so far had its up n downs!
i finally came up with a new years resolutions which has pleased my awesome bf lots!... which is that im going 2 start watching more mature movies n more "scary" movies n not always such kiddy movies!.. i started this off watching some movie at the movies i 4 got wasnt that scary but it was supensful!
im also looking 4 ward 2 wed im going on a nice day trip with steve 2 sorrento we have wanted 2 go 4 ages n r finally going! so im pumped!

this year i have also decide i am going 2 face things as they come n not read in2 everything as much as i normally do! im going 2 relax more n not b so rush rush! i need 2 slow down n im going 2!

i am also going 2 start eating alot healther n not so much junk food lol n no more maccas when i go out! cause i have 2 much of it.

i would also like 2 point out that i have the best bf eva eva! no one can top him ! love u baby xoxoxoxoxoxo

tc dudes!!

you are my sunshine!

i love this song 2 bits n everytime i sing it, it reminds me of steve! he means the world 2 me!
this blog is basiacally here 2 fill in some time while i decide wat im doing 2day!

last night i went out n didnt get in2 bed till like 3! so i was still sleeping like most ppl would at 10 30 this morning! untill my dad told someone i would b awake n 2 call me n woke me up i was sleeping so peacefully 2 like i only had 7.5hrs sleep no way is that enough!
ohh n well done 2 jason its like he has said stuff bout ppl yes i no im immature but im happy with it but i hve 2 star getting a lil bit more maure but everything someone has said bout him he has listened 2 it n take it on board!

i have no idea wat else 2 write!
so i might get going!~
ta ta ppls tc

life!

hey guys!
this is my first post thing!

i have so much 2 write but dunno how much i will!
2007 was full of its ups n downs! i got a new bf who is awesome! love him 2 bits were happy n it just seems so right u often go out with ppl n ur like nup not working but ur like ill keep waiting c if it works but with steve is seemed right from the very start! he makes me happy n smile all the time n his family is awesome! i also got a new job which i love the kids there are awesome n i get heaps hours n its just the best place 2 work!
the year was also full of its lows! i began missing my grandpa even more i began having dreams i no i sound weird but i dunno it was like his way of telling me i have 2 move on cause he isnt coming bak! n its hurts heaps 2 know im neva going 2 c him again or 4 a very very long time but he is out of pain now n that makes me happy! but i wish i could have just spent more time with him b4 he left because losing him has affected my life so much! i have one last peice of him left i drive his car yes u ppl might think its a bomb but 2 me its that last thing of him i have left n i dont want 2 sell it or give it 2 someone else cause its mine n that one thing of him i have that no one else has n i would do n e thing 2 drive that car 4 eva but i no i shouldnt cause its old but its all of him a have left!
another high was i got new freinds in 07 started tafe n met the best chicks u eva could met jess len n ash! jess makes me laugh my guts out she is an awsome chick who i love 2 bits n would do n e thing 4 her! len is cool as she knows how 2 party n u can have a serious chat we needed! ash didnt get 2 no her much but she was awesome she was like the little quite person who sliped under the radar! also tafe had its lows yes we all FAILED!! i swear that place is stuffed! like all 4 of us from the 1 group just happened 2 fail!

but 08 is a new year! my plan 4 this year is 2 b happy have no regreats move out of home! enjoy my 2oth (man im gunna b old) n enjoy n take everything as it comes! there is no point in deweling on the past wats done is done! if u make a mistake then fix it! but do wat makes u smile!

Do WhaT MAkEs U HaPpY B WiT WHo Makes U SmilE LAugh As Much as U bReatHE & LuV AS LoNg aS u Live(this is my philosophy 4 this year)

n e ways thing i have rabbled enough steve wants 2 read this hi baby! love u!!
just remember ppl 07 was the year that was 4 get wat happened 08 is that year that is its a new year a clean slate! do wat makes u happy n have no regreats! lifes 2 short 2 worry bout stupid crap!